Welcome to the madhouse!!!

Rubbing her eyes and looking confused : "Oh, I thought I was sad but it's just the rain dropped in my eye" !!!

(And for those following the Juliette ID fiasco with bated breath, we ambushed the postie just before we left and he's OK about getting our neighbour to sign for the passport (if it arrives) and leaving it there.. despite the people at the post office telling me that was totally impossible !!! The people at Hoverspeed think it'll be OK if I take the bit of paper saying her French ID is being processed anyway. So it's looking good !!!)

Tomorrow afternoon, after Mike's work packs in for the summer, we're heading down to the in-laws' in Brittany for 2 weeks, driving back up on Sat 13th and heading off to England for the rest of the summer holidays on the 14th (Sophie's birthday). The hitch is ..... Remember all the hassle for getting some ID for Juliette? Well, neither the French nor the British authorities have done their stuff and she still doesn't have an ID card or a passport. Hopefully the postman will deliver a nice surprise today or tomorrow morning, otherwise we're snookered. Especially as the passport will be delivered by registered post, there will be nobody here to sign for it and it'll be sitting in the post office where we won't be able to get at it because it'll be Sunday and it'll be closed. So much for the 2 weeks (France) and 10 days plus a couple of days to allow for the post (England) deadlines they gave me on the 8th July.

(By the way, if you want to see the first posts of the month that no longer fit on the front page, scroll down to the menu (bottom right) where it says "general" (and the number of posts) and click on that. I discovered that when I wanted to found out when I applied for the ID - see? a blog does serve a purpose!!!)

The holidays are still a total wash-out so it's all indoor activities - cutting out and sticking in scrapbooks mainly. (We won't mention Sophie deciding to play at hairdressers while I was changing Juliette - luckily she only cut a couple of centimetres of the end of her fringe so it doesn't show !!!) We did go to a Summer Fête and just had time for a quick go on the bouncy castle and a bit of face painting before they decided to pack up and go home because of the rain. So to bring a bit of sunshine into your lives in spite of the rain, have a couple of shiny happy people pics !!!

It's a tough life being a kid - play play play, no time to rest. Mum getting bright ideas about cutting out pictures and sticking them all over big wall friezes, there's only so much a kid can take - call the trade unions, I'm being overworked !!!

"Up above the streets and houses, rainbow climbing high,

Everyone can see it climbing over the sky,

Paint the whole world with a rainbow!"

Remember that one? Geoffrey, George, Bungle and Zippy with songs from Rod, Jane and Freddy? That was my staple TV diet for my formative years and it all seemed so innocent. But look at this !!! ...

http://www.jampot.co.uk/

How did they get away with it?!! How did nobody notice?!! Not to mention Captain Pugwash (with Seaman Staines, Master Bates and Roger the Cabin Boy) (Del - you might have to explain some of these to Sheila !!!) and The Magic Roundabout full of drugs innuendoes. It probably explains a lot about the state of the world today !!!

And to think people got all stroppy about Tinky Winky the male Teletubby having a handbag !!!

Juliette learnt a new skill today - drinking out of a training beaker all by herself.

She obviously inherited her mum's drinking gene. "Make mine a pint !!!"

And anything new that Juliette gets, Sophie wants too so she got a new beaker too !

Sophie's was one of those unspillable magic cups. I was very dubious so I turned it upside down, rolled it around on all sides on the table, leant it at various degrees left and right and amazing, not a drop spilled out. Gave it to Sophie, turned my back for one moment and .... orange juice all over her colouring book !!! I tipped it up and down, left and right again, and still couldn't get a drop out. How do they do it ?!!!!

Looking out of the window up at the blue sky :

"You're right mum, the fireworks didn't break the sky the other night" !!!

Got this one sent to me and it reminded me of the time we won several pints in the Student Union bar for winning an anagram quiz (no mean feat as it was the end of an all-day session!!!) We turned MERRYDOWN VINTAGE CIDER into WET 'ND CREAMY GROIN DIVER !!! And to think we all came out of it with degrees!!!

I got Sent this by a Friend and thought someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!


DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER


ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER


DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE


THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT




MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S


A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:


PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA:
When you rearrange the letters
(With no letters left over and using each letter only once):
TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS

Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay
too much time on their hands!

If anyone can think of anymore please post below.

Today was stormy and windy, which meant bikeriding in the car park was a definite no-no, so I dragged out all the "old" freebies to make some space for the new ones. Sophie pounced on some of them and went all girly-girly on me (which makes a change from rolling around on the floor and getting covered in bruises!) so that was it .... the transformation began !

First she got the little bottle of glittery strawberry bath gel ("ooh sparkly hearts, can I have a bath now?!") ... then we found the glittery bath gel with a crown-shaped bottle ("Ooooh princess bath gel, does that mean I'm a princess?") ... then it was the strawberry body lotion (and after I put it on her arms, she spent all afternoon shoving her elbow up my nose to see if she still smelt like a strawberry!!!). Then I found the little glittery flower nail stickers, which went on one hand and both feet (the nails on the other hand haven't grown back yet!!!) Then Mike came home from work and she went running down the stairs yelling "come and see, I'm a strawberry princess" !!!

So now I'm "Princess Mummy", Mike's ¨Princess Daddy" and she's "Strawberry Princess Twinkletoes" !!! I'm sure it'll only last until tomorrow morning, but until then we've had "Princesses don't moan when they get their hair brushed", "Princesses sit down and eat their dinner nicely and don't keep getting up", "Princesses don't use potties, they use the big toilets", ... Quick, any other ideas while it lasts?!!!

I had a good laugh this morning when I logged on to look at the news ...

"( Reuters) 02:38 PM
Hurricane Emily battered Mexico's Caribbean beach resorts on Monday although thousands of local residents and tourists escaped its fury by fleeing to crowded shelters. "

Well she was in Dunkirk all day yesterday .... and all day today, Sophie's been going round going "Hey Maman, it wasn't me that broke the spring on the bee" and "Hey Maman, Emily threw my dolphin pens very very hard at the ceiling, that wasn't nice was it?! Next time she'll have to sit on the naughty chair!!!" Emily - think yourself lucky the camcorder broke down, there's no hard evidence !!!

Sophie decided she wanted a Barbie bike for her birthday so we just spent over 2 hours going round the shops trying to find one. (It's not her birthday until August 14th but we decided she might as well have it a bit early so she can make the most of the holidays to terrorise the neighbourhood before going back to school !) It ended up just being a pink one (well purple but shhh, she's convinced!!) and the shop assistant threw in a free Disney bell so it looks the part. So here she is getting in some training for next year's Tour de France!

And here she is with her two "boyfriends" from next door, Maxime and Mattéo! "Look at my wheels !"

Any ideas what this face means?!! (Clue to any non-parents - now might be a good time to make a move if you don't want to get stuck changing nappies!)

Now this looks like the next generation of embarrassing photos to be dragged out in front of prospective boyfriends - like the one of me running round the garden in the nude aged two !!!

Sophie was five months old yesterday and I'm still breastfeeding, as well as giving her fruit and veg twice a day. She eats a whole jar of baby food now before having some milk .... so muggins here invariably end up with fruit and veg-covered boobs. Gives a whole new meaning to the name pars-nips !!!

PS OK OK, I promiseI'll stop being controversial, call it revenge for Mike's wedding day speech !!!

Bank holiday today for French Independence Day (or Bastille day as everybody except the French seems to call it) so this morning saw the traditional military parades and flyovers on TVs and in streets all over the country. It always seems strange to me that a country whose military reputation is seen as rather dubious all over the world (what was it in the newspapers and across internet after the war in Iraq? "Cheese-eating surrender monkeys"?!!) always makes such an ostentatious show of military power every year, with everything from tanks and fighter planes to firemen and military police parading down the Champs Elysées in Paris in front of Monsieur le Président.

Anyway, back to us mere mortals. Faced with a mountain of leftovers from last night's barbecue (an end of year party for some of Mike's students and only 4 out of 8 showed up so there was way too much grub), I had the bright idea of heading off to the park for a picnic - something else Sophie has been going on about for months. So we packed up the car and headed off to "the goat park", as Sophie calls it, to eat, drink and play on the merry-go-rounds (and throw stale bread at the ducks - oops, I mean feed them, but they're never hungry!)

We finally found a table with not too much broken glass as well as some shade and a bit of flat grass for Juliette to lay on on a blanket and stuffed our faces. We could hear music and talking on a loudspeaker but Mike said it was probably just a fishing competition. We hobbled off around the lake towards the swings (Mike was the (teddy)bear with a sore head and leg at this picnic, after bashing his knee on the corner of the table last weekend!) and came across a whole area full of things to play on : face painting, a roundabout, a big inflatable slide and THREE bouncy castles, all for free! Sophie's eyes came out on stalks and Mike shot me one of his accusing looks ("Oh, and I suppose you didn't know that was here today"!!! I didn't, but I don't think he believed me !!!) So Sophie finally got to play on the bouncy castle she couldn't go on at Plopsaland last week with her bad hand.

One of the funniest things (although I seemed to be the only one falling on the floor laughing, even when I explained it all to Mike!) was a "clown" roadsweeper, with make-up, silly clothes and a bloke in an orange wig and pink tutu hiding in his wheelie-bin who popped out and waved from time to time - a stroppy bloke came over and said "Where's the fishing competition?" The "clown" said, in a stupid voice, "Je ne sais pas Monsieur" and walked off, and Stroppy Bloke wandered off moaning about how everybody works in this park but nobody's got a clue about anything - how could he have not noticed the ridiculous clothes and makeup ?!!!

We finally headed for home around 4pm, with Sophie's head lolling about on my shoulder and dribble running down my arm in the back of the car - she'd stayed up until 1am with us last night, so was so tired she was slurring her words and sounded like she'd had a great night out on the town !!!

This is now the start of a long weekend, thanks to one of the great French inventions being "faire le pont" ("making a bridge"). If a bank holiday falls on a Tuesday or a Thursday, there's no point in going back to work for one day before or after the weekend, so we just take that off too !!! And the sun seems to finally be here to stay so it looks like this is the beginning of the summer holidays at last. About time too !

The sun finally decided to grace us with its presence so we made the most of it, had lunch on the patio (Sophie's been asking to do that for weeks!!!) and went to the zoo in the afternoon. We saw the seals, the lynx, the extremely noisy parrots and the bears being fed (carrots and apples, are you sure that's what they eat in the wild?!) but the otters and the beaver were nowhere to be seen. Not sure who's the most tired now, me or the kids!!!

"Why do you have to say 'Excuse me' when you burp, but not when you hiccup?"

Ummmmm I'll get back to you!!!

You can see what Juliette's been eating this week by looking at her bibs ! She's certainly got the hang of eating from a spoon (even if I still need some target practice so I can get more in her mouth than on her face!!!)

Apple purée ("Yum, gimme some more of that!" )

Carrots

Pumpkin (Sophie seems to have a better aim than me !!!)

Sophie had her stitches out yesterday and was very brave. Sorry for the yukky pic but just to reassure you it's not THAT bad. We just have to wait for it to dry out, scab over and heal up now.

Remember the nursery rhyme? :

"There was a little girl, Who had a little curl, Right in the Middle of her forehead,

When she was good she was very very good, But when she was bad she was horrid " !!!

I thought I was having a Macgyver moment at bath time .... until the bag filled up with water!!!

Ready for the next installment? Headed back to the town hall this morning, greeted by the same woman as yesterday with a smile (a very very VERY bad sign), gave her all the paperwork including dad's French ID card and new photos with white background. "Ah non, that won't do either, her head's too small". "She's a baby, her head IS small !!!" "No Madame, it needs to be 22mm, that's only 15." "Are you sure? It looks more like 2cm." "Ah yes, but we only measure to the hairline." (I definitely don't remember seeing this one on the detailed list of do's and don't's for acceptable photos - I'm sure she made it up on the spot!)

So my choice was, pay €30 (£20) and get a passport (they're apparently less picky about photos for some strange reason!), valid for 5 years and available in a week or go to the photographer's studio and get a portrait photo taken for the ID card.I initially planned on giving up on the ID card altogether and getting a French passport instead, but then thought that she'll eventually need an ID card anyway for other stuff so, in for a penny in for a pound (or a euro), I'd come this far so I might as well see it through to the (very bitter) end. Explained to Sophie that we needed to get MORE photos of Juliette and come back. Sophie says "Ah oui Maman, elle est chiante" "Shhh that's a rude word, you can't say that". "OK Maman, elle est pénible ... she's a pain in the bum"!!! "Yep, you're right there kiddo!!!"

Back on the bus, hi ho hi ho it's off to the photographer's we go, "Hello, I need some photos for an ID card, I take it you know the requirements because they've already refused two lots of photos". "Ah yes no problem, it's about the only option with babies because they want them looking forwards, etc ..." (Tell me about it). After lots of "move your hand down a bit, it's still just about visible", "now her head's wobbling so I can't take the picture" (no shit Sherlock!), "try and get her to look this way" (refrained from yelling "just push the flipping button!!!"), finally got the picture taken. Developed the photo, "Ah non, I don't understand, the very top of her head is missing, we'd better start again or it will be refused." Went through the whole thing again, finally got the pics, back on another bus, back to the town hall, gave her the new photos and she said ..... are you ready for this??? ....

...." but she's still small". "SHE'S A BABY!!! OF COURSE SHE'S SMALL !!!" "Where did you get them done?" "At the photographer's studio, the one you told me to go to!!!" So she phoned her up and said "we've got a problem Madame, you just had a lady with a baby and the photos are too small". Reply : the first attempt was bigger but was too blurry, that's the best you'll get for a baby that size.

By now, it was 11.57am (I'd left home at 10.30 !) and the entire staff of the town hall was holding it's breath because if we went over the sacred hour of midday and encroached on the 2-hour-lunch break, we'd probably all turn into pumpkins or something. So she said "But ... it'll get refused ...". So I said "OK, what do you want me to do ?" And she actually said ..... drumroll ... "Je ne sais pas"!!! A civil servant actually admitted to not having an answer!!! Unbelievable! The world will now spin off its axis !!!

So she cut off two of each photo (six in all) and put them all in with the form ("maybe they will accept something" - and I definitely wasn't going to get any better than "maybe" here!), took Juliette's pea-sized fingerprint, got me to sign three times and actually started chatting to Sophie about her hand, asking her if she can speak English, telling her how she's got lovely hair. I think admitting to not knowing absolutely everything in the universe short-circuited her brain and flipped her back to "normal human" mode (or maybe it was automatic "civil servant" mode shutdown, because it was now past midday!!!")

Just to get a little bit of revenge, I said that to be on the safe side, I'd apply for a UK passport too so I'd need two extra birth certificates printed out. (She'd wasted enough of my time, it was only fair I waste a bit of hers .... and it's true, I will be applying for a UK passport anyway!) I've never seen anything get done so quickly in my life - one of her colleagues raced over to the computer and printed them out without even being asked, which is absolutely unheard of! Verdict in a few weeks time - but I have got a piece of paper saying the card is being processed, with an official stamp, so that's probably worth a million ID cards for any French officials anyway.

I've always said it, but I'll say it again - the worst thing about living in France has got to be the civil servants (even if officially, as a teacher, I am one, as certain people unfailingly like to point out on occasions like this!!!) There's something about sitting someone in a little box and telling him/her that he/she is a government official that turns them into a petty-minded jobsworth. (What ever happened to Esther Rantzen and her "More than my job's worth" hat? - she'd have had a field-day in France. Although they wouldn't have got anywhere by jumping out on people at the supermarket dressed as a carrot and trying to "get France singing"!!!)

In the past, I've had the "you can't sit the teaching exams until you give us a copy of your empty criminal record". "There's no such thing as an empty criminal record in England - either you've got one, or you haven't. If you've got one, it's not empty." "Yes, we know that that, but we still need a piece of paper from your country telling us that it doesn't exist. (Even if we've just told you that, so we already know.) Oh and by the way, it'll cost you £20 and then you'll have to pay some more to get it translated and stamped by an official, registered translator in France". (Never underestimate the power of an official stamp in France - nothing can happen without one!)

We've also had the "your letterbox doesn't comply with the official norms so we don't actually have to leave you all your post"!!! (And that was even in the days BEFORE I started freebie-hunting. Even I feel sorry for the postie these days!)

Anyway, today was the day I dropped off the paperwork to get Juliette's ID card sorted out so she can travel to England. I'd already been in to the town hall the week before to ask in advance everything I'd need, explaining the whole double nationality thing. (You'd think she's the only kid in the world to have mixed nationality parents!!!) So I bowled in, smiled and said hello (probably where I went wrong - nobody smiles in France so they probably thought I was being sarcastic!) and threw my assorted pieces of paper on the desk. First of all, I was told she couldn't get a French ID card because of having an English mother .... so I pointed out that she was born in France, she lives in France, both her parents live in France, her dad is French, her sister (who has the same parents) has got one and that THEY had told me themselves a few years ago for Sophie that in that situation, the child is considered French in France and English in England. So she said she'd have to go out the back and check with her colleagues - I heard some muttered discussion about "European citizenship" (ha ha, that's a good one!!!). So she finally comes back and agrees that she is entitled to one but she'll need a birth certificate less than 3 months old issued by the town hall of the town she was born in (too bad for them that she was born right here so they have to get off their bums and issue me with it right now!!! And yes, I probably did smirk when I told them this!) So finally, she looks at the photo and goes "Oh no, we can't possibly accept that. If we send that off it'll get refused. Her head isn't totally in the centre and the background isn't white"! (Admittedly, I was half expecting this, because it was a UK approved passport photo issued by an internet photo company.) So she told me the official guidelines - the head must be in the centre, no hat, looking forward (hello??? we're talking about a 4-month-old baby here!!! Like that's something I can control!!!), white background and you mustn't be able to see the parents' hands holding up the child. Do you think they sit around a pub lunch going "I know what we can add. Tell them the baby must be smiling ... and no dribbling allowed ... and if there are any bogies sticking out of their nose, that's definitely got to be rejected"?!

I went through this before with Sophie - and got told off because you could see my hands holding her up at the bottom (ie the bit they cut off to stick it on the card) and because you could see the bottom of my chin right at the top behind her supporting her. I thought I was being clever this time because I waited until Juliette could support her own head so I didn't have to be behind her, so I've got a near perfect photo of her looking pretty much forwards (on the first attempt, she was looking at the floor because she moved in the 3 seconds between pushing the green button and the flash, so it's lucky you get a second shot in the photo booths these days!) BUT ... well this IS France, of course there's a but .... there's a 3 week delay for the card to be issued ... and at the moment, they are dealing with January's applications, so I should have applied in January to be sure of having it for the summer. She didn't actually have an answer when I pointed out that Juliette wasn't actually born until mid-February !

So I'll be going back tomorrow, armed with her dad's French ID card (because my foreigner's ID card simply won't do) and new photos ... and I'll probably see a different woman who'll find another problem with the paperwork. And even if she DOES accept it, the chances are I won't get the card in time for travelling later in the month anyway. So there's only one thing for it - I'll have to get on the phone to the British embassy in Paris and/or the customs people at Dover/Calais and hope that I manage to get hold of someone English to sort it all out !!! TO BE CONTINUED ...

A weird feeling of déjà vu, today strangely resembles yesterday - more rain (it's JULY and the SUMMER HOLIDAYS!!!) , more clothes sorting out/dressing up and more green slop (and she seemed to like the courgettes today, even though I tasted them and they're disgusting (no salt or anything added) and they look like bogies!!! Although maybe the fact they look like bogies is what makes them so appealing - if I follow Sophie's logic!!! Ewwwwww kids !!!)

Apart from that I got the most amazing freebie through the post today - a Mr Propre (cleaning stuff) laundry bag (like a school plimsoll bag ). What's so great about that?! Well, Sophie immediately grabbed it, declared it was just what she needed for her Little People toys because there were too many people in the bus, ran upstairs and promptly tidied up her entire bedroom! Quick, where can I get another one ... or ten?!!!

Tues 5th July - All the weaning guides tell you : "Start off with very small amounts, just a spoonful will do, you don't won't to overdo it and put baby off by giving her too much to begin with". So I squashed up a medium-sized strawberry, she ate the whole lot (including the little lumpy bits I kept pushing to the side!) ... then started crying when it was all gone!!! So I gave in and mashed up some banana too and that seemed to go down just as nicely as the strawberries! Looks like she'll be as good at eating as Sophie was/is !

Not looking forward to washing the endless bibs now though .... and nappy-changing is suddenly about to take a turn for the worse!!

Unfortunately, it's vaccination time tonight so she won't be looking so smiley, but it's all for a good cause.

Mon 4th July - First day of the holidays and it's raining hard! Can't complain though - we didn't get flooded and they did in Haazebrouck, about an hour away. The water rose to over 1 metre! Can't even do any "messy play" stuff with Sophie's bandaged hand, so we spent the whole day sorting out the too small clothes and going through friends' hand-me-downs, so Sophie's got a whole new wardrobe ! Here she is showing off her new Barbie look and her poor hand (which is starting to look a bit less horror film when we change the dressings).

Sun 3rd July - Life looks kinda different when you suddenly see it right side up !!!

Also today - first taste of mashed-up strawberries. Seemed to go down OK. This smile was afterwards so we'll call it a hit !

Sat 2nd July - Despite the mashed-up hand, we went to Plopsaland as promised (just across the border in Belgium - a theme park based around the gnome-type character Plop, which was a great source of amusement all day long for Sophie ... oh OK and for me !) We weren't quite sure how she'd get on but she did pretty much everything except the bouncy castle, and only then because we said no!

Now Mike, it's no good telling me you didn't have fun ! (The smile disappeared and was replaced by tears of laughter rolling down MY face when the ride suddenly and unexpectedly started going round at warp speed BACKWARDS!!!)

(No photos of me will be added to this blog until I've stopped breastfeeding, gone on a diet and shifted about 3 stone !!!)

Fri 1st July - Well that's it, another school year over, I'm off on holiday until the 1st September, yay!!!! Sophie's already going hyper and getting over-excited- when the babysitter left this lunchtime, she came sidling up to me on the settee and whispered : "Mu - ummm. (A bad sign when it's one of those Mum's that last about five syllables!) If I tell you the truth, you won't get cross will you?". Doing some quick thinking, I made a non-committal "hmmmm" sort of noise so she said "I don't want to get into trouble so don't tell dad (!!!) but .... I bit Louis (the babysitter) !!! I said "You BIT him ??? What did you do that for???" And she said "I was hungry". Whatever all the books say, the REALLY hard part of being a parent is not falling on the floor laughing when your kids come out with stuff like this, and I did manage to keep a straight face (just about!) I'll need the men in white coats in a few weeks time though (what do you mean I need them already?!!!)